When Ignoring Something Is The Best Thing To Do

I normally would react to any perceived injustices or biases especially when it involves my children. Then my level of reaction would depend upon the severity of the emotional damage to my children and as well as my children’s relationship with the offender. Among my children, I am most protective of my eldest simply because her circumstance is much different from her younger siblings. In her eyes, she probably sees me as a paranoid mother but in my eyes, I am just doing my job as a protective mother.

Without divulging all the details, I am hurt for her when I read about how her own blood from the other side of her family seemed to betray her. Good thing that I am past my impulsive years; else, I would have questioned the person involved “Why?”

I thought of brainwashing her to distance herself from the people that would not admit her existence in all her years on earth but that would be manipulating her and that would not let her grow on her own. I wanted to protect her feelings by just telling her to cut off her ties but I realized that maybe, it would have been better if she feels how they feel about her; instead of me giving her the answers.

On the other hand, I felt responsible for her hurt feelings because I asked her years ago to connect to them, to love them and respect them even if the love may not be mutual.

Lesson learned: you cannot force a connection. You cannot force love when it is not there in the first place. You just have to ignore whatever it is that hurts you and move on. There are a million people in this planet who can love you and will treat you as family.  In the end, it is not our loss. We gave them a second chance at life and love and they just took it for granted. Some good-byes may not be forever but for the meantime, it’s good-bye.

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Deadbeat Dads

A deadbeat dad is categorized to be one who does not support his child/children financially. He could be a lazy father who assumed that it is the women’s sole responsibility to raise and support a child. He could be a selfish father who, in spite of earning well, is too tight-fisted to chip in. He could be a fashionista and jet-setter father who prioritizes image more than being a good father. He could be a bitter father who doesn’t care about his children after the separation or divorce. Of course, there are some fathers who would have wanted to support but they are constrained by circumstances to do so. These fathers bring their children to the park, treat them occasionally when there is money and they have genuine love and concern for their children.

To the parents and siblings of a deadbeat dad: the least that you can do is to show your love and concern to your grandchild or nibling. Believe me, the mother of your grandchild or nibling will not demand financial support from you especially if she is capable to raise her child by herself.

To the friends of a deadbeat dad: please, do not be a bad influence! If you think that hanging out in a bar with your deadbeat dad friend is cool despite knowing that he has financial support issues, you are just as part of the problem as he is. Real friends give advice no matter how unsolicited it is.

To the new girlfriend of the deadbeat dad: what’s there to be insecure of? Haven’t heard of a modern family set up? He is an ex for a reason so take your insecurities off and tell him to man up. What goes around comes around. If he was irresponsible to his first child, then chances are, he would be irresponsible to your future child.

To the wife of a deadbeat dad: your husband’s past is something that you should have accepted during your dating period, do not be unfair by tolerating his being a deadbeat dad. If your husband had the child while being married to you, do not be unfair by justifying that the child does not deserve any support. What if the same situation happens to your daughter or sister?

It takes a man and a woman to create a child but it takes a village to raise one. Be part of that village.

 

 

Easy Milo Cupcake

Disclaimer: I am just an average cook. The reason why I decided to make my own cupcakes is because the ones available in the market are very sweet!

What you need:

• baking pan (in the absence of baking pan, good old leche flan llanera will do)
• mixer (hand mixer, electric mixer or even fork will do)
• bowl
• steamer and pan or oven

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of all purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons of baking powder
• 3-4 tablespoons of sugar (brown sugar will do)
• 3-4 tablespoons of powdered Milk (I prefer Alaska)
• 3-4 sachets of Milo
• 3 tablespoons of Star Margarine (any butter will do)
• pinch of salt
• 3 eggs
• 5 tablespoons of water
• grated chocolate (I use Beryll’s)
• Hershey’s chocolate syrup

1. Put the flour, baking powder, sugar, Milo and salt in a bowl.
2. Mix.
3. Beat the eggs in a separate bowl.
4. Pour the egg in the mixture then mix until smooth.
5. Low heat the pan to melt the margarine.
6. Pour the margarine in the mixture and mix.
7. Put some water on the mixture for a smoother effect.
8. Put the grated chocolate on the mixture and mix.
9. Put some chocolate syrup on the top of the mixture.
10. Put the baking pan on the steamer and steam for 20 minutes. If you have an oven, you can set it at 5-8 minutes. Don’t forget to test the baking by picking a toothpick on the cake.

Others like moist cupcake while some prefer a dry one. If you want it super dry, you may extend the steaming to another five minutes.

 

 

Look Back, Move Forward

I just learned that one of our long-time neighbor in the province moved to another barangay. I could not believe it at first so I sent a private message to the matriarch. She confirmed about their transfer last summer and told me that it was probably just right timing when one of the big-time developers bought the large idle land at the back of the family’s ancestral home. The land was unintentionally enclosed by the houses stretching two barangays thus leaving it idle for almost 4 decades.

Our barangay has always been affected by flood during the rainy seasons. I grew up walking through makeshift wooden bridges because of the floodwater inside the compound. Street children loved to play inside the compound because it looked like a big fishpond with milkfish and small fishes.

I stopped appreciating the flood in our area as soon as I hit puberty. It was just uncool to be walking along flooded streets and then crossing through an old makeshift bridge just to get home. I dreamed of college and getting a job after graduation. I dream of buying a new house elsewhere where typhoons and storm surges would never be able to intimidate me. That start of my life journey started in 1994 and since then, I became distant to my own place.

“Actually, another neighbor will transfer soon, too. They have sold their house to the developer” our neighbor’s mother added.

What?! Why are they leaving? How much was the deal for them to just give up decades of living in our beautiful barangay? Hey, those houses are the landmarks of my childhood!

Wait! I stopped thinking to start feeling how I really think of the situation. I was sad for their exodus not because I would miss them because it has been ages since I settled in another place. I was sad for their exodus not because I was jealous of their new home but because I wanted to see their old homes just as they have always been. Then I realized, it was all about me. The sadness was all about missing my childhood. The pain came from the realization that the place would never be the same again on my next visit.

“Mare, it is better to leave the house. It’s old, anyway, ” PM’d my friend.

Yes, it is better to leave the house. It is not practical to live in an old house with flooded streets when your parents are old and vulnerable. The sadness was all about me, my feelings, my memories, my childhood.

 

Our Tiny Home

Our house hunting journey started in 2009, just a month after I gave birth to our elder son. I wanted a second-hand house and lot with a lot of space because I’ve always dreamed of having bermuda grass and roses in the garden. Our efforts were futile and it took us another five years to finally decide on where to buy a house.

The reason why we chose to buy a house in a gated community was because of security reasons. The downside of this decision was, the cost of the houses were much higher and we felt that it was impractical to be paying a high amortization for an overpriced house so we decided to get a townhouse first and then upgraded to a duplex later on.

Home improvement started in December 2016 and then ended in April 2017. We moved in on the 4th week of April and so far, everything’s fine. Moving in was a piece of cake because our apartment was almost the same size as our house but we decided to let go of 50% of our things to make a fresh start in our new house.

Being a minimalist, we regularly give away clothes, shoes and bags to make a room for the new ones. Old textbooks go straight to the garbage pick up area for junk and scrap collection. We don’t have any figurines or displays at home; we adorn a portion of our wall with our pictures. Being avid fans of red floors, we selected red tiles for our living room so that there would be no need for red waxing—if you’re familiar with old Filipino living room with red floor, then that’s it.  I realize that sofa is prone to dirt and foul smell so we bought a hard wooden sofa without the cushion. To date, we have not yet installed curtains at the living room area to make use of the natural light in the morning and afternoon. I am looking for a nice window decal instead.

Maybe, in the coming months, my favorite spot of the house would be the mini-garden that my husband is working on. My request two months ago was to plant ivy plants on the fence because having a green fence is not only cool to the eyes but also unique in this age of wall tiles and decorative stones. He got the ivy plant from his “suking-talyer” when he dropped by for vulcanizing. He also made concrete pots for growing calamansi, papaya, chili and tomato. My next request would be to have a yellow rose garden and bermuda grass for our tiny garden.

I used to say that living in a 50sqm house is not possible. Now that we are in it, I can say that a tiny house is much cheaper and more manageable.   🙂