Wag Na Lang Kaya?

“Wag Na Lang Kaya” is one of True Faith’s songs that they released in 1994. For someone like me who is fortunate to live through the 80s, 90s, and the present generation, I can vouch for how some guys tend to be coward when it comes to courtship. The 90s is an era in between conservatism and liberalism. Then, of course, the Philippines was adjusting to globalization, so we had more access to information about how the rest of the world was doing in terms of love, dating, and related matters.

Nais ko ay magpakilala sa iyo.
At ipahiwatig ang nilalaman ng puso ko.

In college, I had this board mate who had a secret crush on a girl who happened to be our board mate, too. The girl was one of my closest board mates, and he used to ask me a lot of questions about her. Ironically, they’ve known each other since high school but it was only in college when he felt that intense attraction. He wanted her to know that things had changed after high school. Therefore, he thought that maybe introducing himself to her again would be a good move to break the ice.

Maunawaan mo kaya
O baka sampalin mo lang ang aking mukha?
Nagdadal’wang isip na

He knew that she had a reputation for dumping suitors. He didn’t want to suffer the same fate. He asked me one time, “Iris, why don’t you ask her what she thinks about me?” Being a newbie at that time, I did! I asked her what she thought of him–all I got was a small frown not out of irritation but out of confusion. In short, she was clueless about what I was talking about.

Huwag na lang kaya?
Huwag na lang kaya?

Assuming the role of Cupid, I told him that she seemed to be not interested in answering my question. Oh, I remember how his facial expressions shifted from excitement to loneliness. The foggy Sunday afternoon must have added to his aching heart. He blurted out that maybe the best thing to do was just to pretend that he didn’t care about her. He wanted to stop talking to her. I told him that she might take it negatively and she would never speak to him again.

Nais ko ay i-alay sa iyo
Ang puso ko na umiibig sa iyo

Like a story from the book, he pretended that he was still the same old boy that she knew from way back. He wanted to get her trust by acting like she was nothing to him. But of course, I knew how much he wanted her because I was the one-sided Cupid.

Ngunit ‘di mo na yata kailangan ng gan’yan
Mayro’n ka na yatang kasintahan
Naninikip ang tiyan

Then one day, he brought me some donuts because according to him, it was going to be a long night of conversation about his secret crush (Sunday night was my only free time).He asked me if I knew about her frequent dates with another guy that we both knew. I told him that yes, I knew that they were going out for dinner but I did not make a big deal out of it. In between Bavarians and coffee, we argued whether her going out with the other guy was something that he should worry about. A month later, I told him about the bad news.

Huwag na lang kaya?
Huwag na lang kaya?
Ngunit ‘di mo na yata kailangan ng gan’yan…

“Being torpe saved me.”
He said that if he were brave enough to tell her about his feelings, he would lose her friendship. Her relationship with another man marked the closure of his secret desire to be with her.

I wonder if he would have done the same thing had it happened today because most men are no longer torpe when it comes to dating. Perhaps he would send her good morning and good night emojis to let her feel that he cared for her. Maybe he would make a tiktok video about her reactions to his struggles.

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I Love You in Different Times

The 80s I love you: Party Line Problem
The phone sans the caller ID rang.
I picked it up.
“Hello?” I said.
Silence on the other end of the line.
“(says my codename).“
I smiled, careful not to let my parents hear that I was talking with him.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m good. What about you?” I replied.
“I just thought about you,” he said.
We talked about childhood stuff the way tweens did.
The party-line interrupted us and told us that she would use the phone.
“We have just started talking,” I contested.
“Oh, are you entertaining suitors over the phone?” she dared ask.
It was the late 80s where people were conservative.
“Just give me the line; this is an emergency!” she demanded.
We let her use the line; he promised to call me up later.
After half an hour, I picked up the handset.
The party-line was still talking with her boyfriend.
It was not an emergency!
I interrupted them, “I’m expecting a call.”
“You rude little girl! We’re still talking!” she said.
Rude? I showed them how rude I could get.
I placed the handset beside a loud walkie-talkie.
I heard a woman screaming in anger.
I won.
The phone sans the caller ID rang.
It was him.
We talked again.
I heard my father’s footsteps.
I told him that I needed to hang up.
“I love you,” he said.
I did not respond.

The 90s I love you: The Operator-Assisted Call
“Hello?” I said
“Why did you ignore me this morning at school?” he asked.
“I did not notice you,” I said.
“But you noticed “X,” he replied.
He let out a deep breath.
Then we talked about our Science subject because we both liked it.
“I will be out of town this weekend. What do you want as pasalubong?”
I told him that I was not after the pasalubong.
“Okay, I’ll just buy what my money could buy. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” then I hang up.
The phone rang again.
“What did you just say?” he asked.
“Ah, that’s nothing,” I said.
“No, I heard you said that you love me, too.”
“Brotherly love,” then I hang up with blushing cheeks.

Three years later, the phone sans the caller ID rang.
“Hello,” I said.
The operator said that it was a long-distance call.
I accepted the call, excited about the person on the other end of the line.
“I miss you,” he said.
“I miss you, too,” I said.
We ranted about how long the sem-break seemed to be as first-time lovers normally did.
And as expected, at the end of the long-distance call was this: “Bye for now. Take care and I love you,” he said.
“I can’t hear the last words,” I said.
He shouted the last words and I could just imagine how the other callers from the phone booths reacted.

The 2000s I love you: Age of Shortcuts
Text message.
“Mis u. Luv u,” he said.
“Luv u 2,” I said.

This further evolved into instant messaging two decades later with emojis and .gifs.

I’ve seen, heard, and felt love since the late 80s up to the present times. I notice how saying “I love you” becomes easier now than before. It could be because the emojis allow people to express themselves openly that is why saying “I love you” becomes as normal as saying “Please” or “Thank you.”
Don’t get me wrong, I support expressiveness between lovers, families, and friends. When it comes to people who do not share a deep relationship, I find it odd when they say “I love you” as an expression of approval or agreement.
The changing times allow my thoughts to wander to the days when saying “I love you” was difficult because the recipient would hold on to it and expect that those words and actions would last.

The Crown

The Crown

“Queens don’t chase. That’s how the crown falls.”

I am trying to find the author of this quote but different names popped out. Anyway, this quote sends a powerful message not only to the women out there but also to men. Should a woman accept the size of the crown that her man gives just to please him?

When the crown is too small for the woman’s head, it will fall off. When the crown is too big for the woman’s head, the same thing will happen. Wearing an ill-fitting crown will not only make the queen uncomfortable but it will be prone to accident, as well. Besides, this is the reason why queens don’t chase because that’s how the crown falls.

Of course, I am not talking about the gender superiority complex here. I am talking about reminding couples in a relationship that compatibility plays a big factor in a long- lasting partnership. Most women fall into the trap of finding excuses for their man’s bad behavior. They become the chaser and not the chased. Men take advantage of this and continue with their misbehavior. When the woman starts to behave like a queen with a precious crown on her head, she is more in tune with her feelings and how she should behave.
Of course, there would be some men who would dare challenge women and question what’s the big deal with having an ill-fitting crown? Those men are so selfish, they do not care about offending women. If this type of man has this mindset, the woman must think twice before marrying him. And should a woman has already married this kind of man, she should prioritize her sanity and guard her feelings. Selfish men all care about what is good for them. Sometimes, insecurity triggers their selfishness, and women are not obliged to change how men should behave. Women are obsessed with the idea of being the one to transform men’s behavior and the success rate is small.

The truth is, men will change for the better when they deeply love a woman. The bitter truth is, men don’t care about offending women that they don’t really love and they take pride in getting away with it. A good relationship is for better and for worse. Don’t chase after somebody who is not into you. Believe in action and not by words.

How I Moved On From A Bad Break Up

There is this vlogger who is still hurting over her break-up with her actor-ex-boyfriend. To add insult to injury, the ex has fully moved on and even fathered a baby to his girlfriend. The girlfriend was not
somebody new because they had a relationship almost a decade ago. They parted ways because she could not cope up with a long-distance relationship. In 2019, the two met again in a TV series and they probably realized that the love was never lost in the first place. The actor broke up with the vlogger in December 2019 and the latter is still hurting until now.

Eight long years of the vlogger and the actor’s relationship were washed down the drain and I know how hurt she is. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, my heart goes out to her. But take note that I do not hate the celebrity couple and I will explain later why.

They say that you don’t need to ask your boyfriend if he loves you enough because he wouldn’t pursue you in the first place if there was no love. The better question to ask is how long will he love you? Will he still love you when he realized that you are not the dream girl he thought you would be? Will he still love you when things become rough in the relationship? Will he still love you when he finds a better girl than you? Will he still love you when he sees your flaws? Will he still love you when he becomes successful in life? These are some of the questions that you don’t need to ask your boyfriend but it’s good to keep an open eye if the red flags appear later.

Except with my husband, my previous relationships were all long-term. (We got married after less than a year of dating) The first relationship happened when I was a teenager while the second one was when I was a young adult. Truth to be told, the second relationship gave me more heartaches but I’d rather not talk much about it as I have moved on already. What I want to discuss was the healing process that I went through and how I forgave the ex for breaking my heart.

Seven years into the relationship, I was more mature and ready to settle down so the break up came to me as a big shock! The ex moved on quickly, secretly found my replacement, and then lived his life to the fullest. Of course, knowing all of these tore my self-esteem into minute pieces. I was ready to go to his place to beg for him to come back but I always came to my senses that it would have been a futile move. I never spoke ill against the new girl because logically, she had nothing to do with the break-up. Whether she was the third party or not would not change my ex’s mind about choosing her or leaving me. For a time, I could not let go of my friendship with the ex’s family as I had a good time with them when the relationship was good. Later, the friendship with them died a natural death when I got into a new relationship. Speaking of friendship, it is never my attitude to include my friends in troubles about my love life. I feel that as long as my life or sanity is not in danger, then there’s no need to tell anybody about what’s going on in my relationship. On the other hand, this silence backfired on me when people thought that my relationship was super okay so they were surprised about the break-up. But yeah, I still believe that you don’t need to overshare. When you speak about the break-up, the more people get curious about the next things you’ll do or say. Writing is therapeutic and it never fails to heal my broken heart, be it because of a failed relationship or something else. I don’t follow any of my exes on social media even when I have fully moved on. Some people do follow their exes and it works for them though. I am particular about how my family would feel so for me, it is for everyone’s best interest not to connect with them.

Looking back, I think that doing all the things that I mentioned above helped me in moving on silently. I would be honest to say that there were a few rebounds and flings to boost my self-esteem but they were all harmless relationships. I never got to be physical with any of them as what I needed were just text mates.

If I happen to see any of my exes by chance, I think my initial reaction would have been to laugh at what happened and remind myself about how I dealt with the break-up. There is always a reason why we did not end up with the person that we wanted so much but believe me, time flows forward and it heals a broken heart.

I Love You Since 1892 Review

Note: May contain spoilers.

Here is my review for Binibining Mia’s “I Love You Since 1892.” If you are looking for a Noli Me Tangere or El Filibusterismo in this book, then this book is not for you. If you are looking for realistic geographical accuracy, then this book is not for you. If you intend to learn about our history, then this book is not for you.

The story starts interestingly with the main character (Carmela Isabella) finding herself back in 1892 and meeting her future love, Juanito Alfonso. The problem is, the two are from different era: 2016 and 1892. There seems to be a touch of Christopher Reeve’s “Somewhere in Time” here except that the love story’s backdrop is the impending rebellion against the Castillian conquistadores. The middle part of the book is dragging and forced as the author probably wants more Carmela and Juanito romantic moments. The latter part is okay starting from the revelation about Olivia’s real nature. The disappointing part is Carmelita’s return and the twist about what Juanito dislikes in her.

The loophole in the story is the Carmelita to Carmela to Carmelita transition itself. Carmelita from 2016’s mission is to save Juanito’s life that is abruptly ended in 1892 by an unknown assailant. There is no logical explanation why Juanito has to live and why Carmelita has to die and her death is even suggested by a supposed divine creature. If the original flow is a reunion between Carmelita and Juanito, you’ll be disappointed because the story is made for Carmela and Juanito. And if we will follow this logic about two lovers from two different times, then the real color of the story portrays disobedience, manipulation, jealousy, love quadrangle (Helena-Carmelita-Carmela-Alfonso and Carmelita-Carmela-Leandro-Alfonso).

I tend to assume that Binibining Mia wants to have a hopeful ending, with the descendants of the Monteclaro and Alfonso clan finally ending up with each other. I assume that she is an amateur author and for a newcomer, she is above average and has big potential to make it big someday.

Would I recommend her book? If you just want to have a good time and you are young at heart, then this book is right for you. 🙂

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