How I Moved On From A Bad Break Up

There is this vlogger who is still hurting over her break-up with her actor-ex-boyfriend. To add insult to injury, the ex has fully moved on and even fathered a baby to his girlfriend. The girlfriend was not
somebody new because they had a relationship almost a decade ago. They parted ways because she could not cope up with a long-distance relationship. In 2019, the two met again in a TV series and they probably realized that the love was never lost in the first place. The actor broke up with the vlogger in December 2019 and the latter is still hurting until now.

Eight long years of the vlogger and the actor’s relationship were washed down the drain and I know how hurt she is. I’ve been there, I’ve done that, my heart goes out to her. But take note that I do not hate the celebrity couple and I will explain later why.

They say that you don’t need to ask your boyfriend if he loves you enough because he wouldn’t pursue you in the first place if there was no love. The better question to ask is how long will he love you? Will he still love you when he realized that you are not the dream girl he thought you would be? Will he still love you when things become rough in the relationship? Will he still love you when he finds a better girl than you? Will he still love you when he sees your flaws? Will he still love you when he becomes successful in life? These are some of the questions that you don’t need to ask your boyfriend but it’s good to keep an open eye if the red flags appear later.

Except with my husband, my previous relationships were all long-term. (We got married after less than a year of dating) The first relationship happened when I was a teenager while the second one was when I was a young adult. Truth to be told, the second relationship gave me more heartaches but I’d rather not talk much about it as I have moved on already. What I want to discuss was the healing process that I went through and how I forgave the ex for breaking my heart.

Seven years into the relationship, I was more mature and ready to settle down so the break up came to me as a big shock! The ex moved on quickly, secretly found my replacement, and then lived his life to the fullest. Of course, knowing all of these tore my self-esteem into minute pieces. I was ready to go to his place to beg for him to come back but I always came to my senses that it would have been a futile move. I never spoke ill against the new girl because logically, she had nothing to do with the break-up. Whether she was the third party or not would not change my ex’s mind about choosing her or leaving me. For a time, I could not let go of my friendship with the ex’s family as I had a good time with them when the relationship was good. Later, the friendship with them died a natural death when I got into a new relationship. Speaking of friendship, it is never my attitude to include my friends in troubles about my love life. I feel that as long as my life or sanity is not in danger, then there’s no need to tell anybody about what’s going on in my relationship. On the other hand, this silence backfired on me when people thought that my relationship was super okay so they were surprised about the break-up. But yeah, I still believe that you don’t need to overshare. When you speak about the break-up, the more people get curious about the next things you’ll do or say. Writing is therapeutic and it never fails to heal my broken heart, be it because of a failed relationship or something else. I don’t follow any of my exes on social media even when I have fully moved on. Some people do follow their exes and it works for them though. I am particular about how my family would feel so for me, it is for everyone’s best interest not to connect with them.

Looking back, I think that doing all the things that I mentioned above helped me in moving on silently. I would be honest to say that there were a few rebounds and flings to boost my self-esteem but they were all harmless relationships. I never got to be physical with any of them as what I needed were just text mates.

If I happen to see any of my exes by chance, I think my initial reaction would have been to laugh at what happened and remind myself about how I dealt with the break-up. There is always a reason why we did not end up with the person that we wanted so much but believe me, time flows forward and it heals a broken heart.

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Starting Over Again (Movie)

Siguro nagtataka kayo bakit parang sobrang delayed reaction ko naman sa movie na ‘to. Dahil paulit-ulit kong pinapanood si Piolo Pascual sa “Starting Over Again,” kaya finally, sinulat ko na rin kung ano ba ang insights ko sa movie na ito.

To be honest, can’t relate much ako sa theme ng movie. Una, wala akong “the one who got away.” Pangalawa, hindi ko naman ginustong magkaroon ng second chance sa mga ex ko. Pangatlo, isa’t kalahating taon matapos ang break-up, nahanap ko ang “Paul Soriano” ko sa ending.

Yung “Starting Over Again” na kanta ay dedicated para sa sarili ko. Nagsimula akong tumayo mula sa malalim na pagkakahulog noong araw na magdesisyon ang dati kong mahal na tapos na, wala na, good-bye na. Amazingly, tinanggap ko na tapos na, wala na, good-bye na. Walang dramahan. Walang stalking. Walang sumbatan. May mangilan-ngilan lang na moment na naisusulat ko kung gaano kasakit at may mga moment din na “sige, okay na kahit sino” dati pero sa huli, naisip kong kung magpapakasira ako, mas nakakahiya naman. I’ve got my pride.

Closure ang tema ng pelikula at moving forward. Ang mahirap lang sa role ni Toni Gonzaga, umasa sya na baka may second chance pa kahit ikasira yun ng relasyon ni Patty at Marco. Tama rin naman ang sinabi ni Marco kay Ginny na mahal pa rin naman nya si Ginny pero sa ibang pamamaraan na nga lang—pwedeng sisterly love, pwedeng platonic love. Yung eksenang dinelete na ni Ginny ang email nya, yun ang point na ready na syang mag-move forward.

Paano ba ako nag-move forward? Wala akong dinelete na emails, wala akong tinapong litrato, wala akong pinamigay na gamit dahil lahat ng yun ay parte ng kasaysayan ng buhay ko. Yung mga bagay na makapagpapaalala sa akin kung paano ako naging napakasaya at napakalungkot ang tumulong sa aking bumangon.

Kung dati-rati ay saulong-saulo ko ang numero ng ex ko, ngayon, ni hindi ko maaalala kung Globe ba o Smart ang service provider nya. Saka ko naisip na wala na talaga sya sa sistema ko.Kung mangyari man na magtagpo ang landas namin ulit, wala akong gustong mangyari kundi ang ngitian sya saka ipagpatuloy kung ano ang sadya ko sa araw na iyon. Nakapagsimula na ako ng sarili ko lang, bakit ko pa guguluhin ang nanahimik kong buhay—I’ve started my life over again.

Yung iba kung isumpa ang ex, wagas na wagas na parang walang pinagsamahang maganda. Hindi ba pwedeng tanggapin na lang na ganun talaga, may katapusan ang lahat ng bagay. Sabi ko nga dati, mawawala naman sya talaga sa akin—pwedeng sa sakit, pwedeng sa divorce o annullment, pwedeng sa ibang babae, pwedeng sa trabaho, pwedeng magsawa na lang, pwedeng sa aksidente. Kung sa kahit anong paraan hindi naman kami magiging forever, ano ang point at di ko tanggapin ang kahit na anong paraan ng pagkawala nya.

Closure. Forgiveness. Moving forward. You, too, can start over again.

Season of Split Up

Ouch! That hurts!

What do Angel Locsin and Philyounghusband, Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom, Jennylyn Mercado and Luis Manzano, Cristine Reyes and Derek Ramsey, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, Sheree and Gian Magdangal, LJ Reyes and Paulo Avelino, Sunshine Cruz and Cesar Montano, Claudine Baretto and Raymart Santiago and Nikki Gil and Billy Crawford have in common? Yeah right, these couples are no longer together. What’s with 2013? This year must be a year of split ups.

One day you see these couple acting sweet and the next day, their love for each other is gone. I don’t believe in the “it’s a mutual decision to end our relationship” press release. In the first place, I never believed that love stands on a fulcrum; one of the couple will love more and give more while the other will love less and receive more. In ending a relationship, one will definitely do the first move and the other one will just agree but ending the relationship does not necessarily mean that it is a mutual decision. From the point of view of the initiator, declaring it as a mutual decision will probably ease all guilt feelings while from the receiver’s perspective, it’s like putting on a brave front.

In the case of Paulo and LJ, Orlando and Miranda, Raymart and Claudine and Cesar and Sunshine, the split up becomes complicated when there are children involved. Maybe the separation will not be traumatic to first two pairs’ children mentioned because they seem to be working on being civil with each other but the last two pairs look like they need to raise the white flag, if only for the sake of their offsprings.

Ah, love is really magical. Just when you thought that you have found the right partner and live with him/her, love slips away the moment you realize that there’s nothing really special about your other half. Love is magical and blinding in the sense that you need to dissect it a little deeper for you to take hold of it once more. That is why love is said to be accepting, hence, learning to love a person at his worst.

Love is about loyalty, very simple. There would be a thousand colors in the spectrum but I would always choose celadon green to be my favorite color, yeah, the most special one. The problem with committed couples is, they can’t decide which color to pick on.

Ang Beer Na To o Ang Pag-ibig Mo

Reminiscing mode ako ngayon. Malamig kasi. Cold summer, maagang
tag-ulan. Naaalala ko ang coldest January. 2007 yun. Tumapat pa
sa break up namin ng boyfriend of almost 7 years ko. Ang ginaw
nun, hinahanap ko sya. Hindi sya mahilig mangyakap, pero yung
presence nya, yun ang hinahanap ko nun. Kaso, wala na sya. He gave
up our relationship.

Umaga ng January yun. Papunta ako ng kusina sa apartment na sana’y
magiging love nest namin kung natuloy lang ang pangarap kong kasal
noong 2007. Narinig ko ang kantang ito na may lyrics na “nais kong
magpakalasing dahil wala ka na….” Shet! Tinamaan ako. Hindi ako
mahilig sa kanta. Lalong hindi sa banda. Eraserheads lang ang bandang
kinabaliwan ko. Pero panahon yun ng teenage years ko, reasonable.
Isang patak na pigil na luha ang dumaloy sa mata ko. Naisip ko kung
naiisip din ba nya ako. Naisip ko na nalalamigan din ba sya dahil
yun ang coldest January ever recorded ng PAGASA.

Pagpasok ko ng opisina, nagsimula akong magtrabaho. Pero kating-kati
ang daliri kong malaman ang lyrics ng kantang narinig ko. Beer nga daw
by Itchyworms. Leche kako. Kung kelan ako tumanda saka ako mag-e-emote
na parang 15 years old.

Lahat ng relasyon ko, pinakaalagaan ko. Yung una, almost six years kami.
Maraming problema, walang pagbabago. Bago ako sumama sa kanya sa
pagbulusok palubog, umalis ako sa relasyon. Ang pangalawa kong
pag-ibig ang talagang ininda ko ang paghihiwalay. Masakit. Sobrang
sakit. Dumating ako sa puntong pati larawan nya’y kinakausap ko.
Hanggang ngayong may sarili na akong buhay at masaya sa lalaking
nagdala sa akin sa dambana, hindi ko maintindihan bakit nagmahal ako
ng lalaking halos hindi ko alam kung pantay ba ang pagmamahal na binigay
sa akin.

Kung tatanungin ako kung mahal ko pa sya, malakas na HINDI NA ang
isasagot ko. Pero ganun yata. May mga awitin, panahon, pagkakataon
na di maiiwasang sasagi at sasagi sa isip mo ang mga taong naging
parte ng buhay mo. Napakaswerte nga ng lalaking yun dahil may
nagmahal sa kanya ng buong puso kung sino sya at di kung ano sya.

Ibuhos na nga ang beer. Tapos na ang malulungkot na araw ko sa
kantang ito. I survived the break up. Salamat naman.

Tara, Laro Tayo

Ang pakikipagrelasyon ay para lang pakikipaglaro ng mga bata. Pag naghahanap ka ng karelasyon, para ka lang batang naghahanap ng makakalaro.

Ben: Bata, tara, laro tayo.

Sandy: Hindi bata ang pangalan ko. Sandy ang pangalan ko.

Ben: Sige, Sandy—laro tayo. Ako nga pala si Ben.

Sandy: Ayoko. Pag nakipaglaro ako, baka masaktan lang ako.

Ben: Bakit naman kita sasaktan eh gusto kitang kalaro? Sige na. Pumayag ka na.

Napapayag ng batang lalaki ang batang babae na maglaro. Nag-jack & poy sila, holen, bunong-braso, jackstone, patintero at kung anu-ano pa. Nawala ang agam-agam ng batang babae na baka sya madapa at magalusan. Paminsan-minsan, umuuwi syang umiiyak dahil nadapa sya pero patuloy syang nakikipaglaro sa batang lalaki kinabukasan. Ang batang lalaki naman ay tuwang-tuwang kalaro ang batang babae dahil mabait ito at hindi nanggugulang.

Dumating ang panahong sawa na ang batang lalaki sa mga laro nila ng batang babae. Bihira na syang makipaglaro dito. Isang araw, kumatok ang batang babae sa pinto ng batang lalaki.

Sandy: Ben, maglaro tayo. Buksan mo ang pinto. Labas ka dyan.

Ben: Wala ako dito, Sandy.

Sandy: Ah, alam ko na. Taguan siguro ang gusto mong laro ngayon.

Maghapong nasa labas ng bahay ang batang babae ngunit hindi lumabas ang batang lalaki. Ganunpaman, inisip ng batang babae na baka nga taguan ang gustong laro ng batang lalaki.

Isang araw, nakita ng batang babae na may bagong mga kasama ang batang lalaki. Nagpapatintero sila. Nakisali ang batang babae.

Sandy: Pasali naman ako.

Ben: Hindi pwede. Sakto na kami.

Sandy: Sige na, isali nyo ako.

Ben: Hindi talaga pwede. Maghanap ka na lang ng ibang kalaro.

Matitigilan ang batang babae; magpapahid ng luha.

Ben: O, ayan ang ayaw ko eh. Yung iiyakan mo ako.

Sandy: Hindi naman ako umiiyak eh. Nagluluha lang ang mata ko.

Ben: Wag mong paluhain ang mata mo.

Sandy: Oo, susubukan ko.

Pinigil nga ng batang babae ang umiyak dahil ayaw nyang sumama ang loob ng batang lalaki sa kanya. Hindi nya alam kung dahil ba sa naaawa sa kanya o nagi-guilty kung bakit ayaw ng batang lalaking nakikita syang umiyak.

Lumipas ang mga araw at hindi na naglalaro ang dalawang bata. Ayaw na talaga ng batang lalaking magpakita sa batang babae. Napansin iyon ng nanay ng batang babae.

Nanay: Anak, matagal na rin kayong di naglalaro ni Ben. Hindi na ba kayo friends?

Sandy: Friends pa rin po. Ang laro nga po naming dalawa ngayon ay taguan. Ako po ang taya. Hindi ko po sya mahanap. Magaling po syang magtago.